1. Democratic Party: In the midst of war, Dems make like Arafat, launching political suicide missions.

2. Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame: Next year’s inductees — The Partridge Family, Rick Springfield, Katrina and the Waves.

3. Catholic Church: So who's going to confession now?

4. Kiddie Porn Raids: Isn’t Britney Spears enough?

5. Stupid INS Tricks: Attention Osama, Adolph Hitler, Attila the Hun, your student visas are ready.

6. Whose Ox to Gore: Wrong spouse running, Al's still a bore, and Tipper is hipper.

7. French Balk at Death Penalty for Terrorist: But not to worry, they'll eventually surrender.

8. Rosie's Gay: and this just in, the Soviet Union has collapsed.

9. Arthur Anderson merger talks: second prize is 100 shares of Enron.

10. Massachusetts Hall of Fame: Doris Goodwin and Mike Barnicle crib each other’s acceptance speeches.

11. College Board Proposes SAT Overhaul: from now on, you just have to show "how many fingers."

12. National Mall getting cameras: So Senators have someplace to go when Sunday talk shows are over.

Rich Acello is a syndicated columnist; you can reach him at richace@cox.net