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Want Ads For Right Now |
| Broadcasters: Limited time opportunity in beautiful, downtown location. You’ll cover press conferences of various top-ranking government officials, including Saddam Hussein I, Saddam Hussein II, the real Saddam Hussein II, and whoever is still hanging around at the Ministry of Information. Free transportation. Posh accommodations. No experience necessary, we will train you! Apply to Peter Arnett, managing editor, Iraqi TV, Very Deep Underground Bunker, Baghdad. Public Relations Account Executives: The Republic of France seeks savvy PR pros for challenging opportunity to encourage Americans to vacation in Paris and buy French products. Campaign will focus on nostalgic "good times" in U.S.-French relationship with themes including: "Remember how we let you rescue us in World War II?" and "Wasn’t Audrey Hepburn great in ‘Charade’?" Candidates also wanted for positions in Canada, Mexico, Belgium, Russia, etc. Terrorists: Ever wonder what it would be like to blow yourself up at a military checkpoint or crowded bus depot? If so, the Organization of Non-Aligned Terrorists has a job for you. Benefits include generous severance package (to be paid to your survivors), and numerous posthumous medals to be awarded by posthumous Iraqi government. Not affiliated with Saddam Hussein, Al Qaeda or any other recognized terrorist organization. Really. Trust us. Export Marketing Executives: The new, improved Soviet Union has openings for export specialists with open sales territories in Iraq, Iran, Syria, and locations throughout the Middle East. Our revitalized industrial complex is turning out some of the world’s finest military "novelty gear," including our new GPS jamming devices that are easily destroyed by GPS guided munitions. Of course, if discovered, the government will deny any knowledge or complicity in your activities. Apply in confidence to V. Putin, Director of KGB, Moscow. And…good luck. TV Show Guests: Ever wanted to share the limelight with top-rated TV talk show hosts like Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly? Our highly-rated cable news service is seeking celebrities, politicians, and academics to make our audience laugh out loud (LOL) and roll on the floor (ROTF). Special consideration will be given to applicants who have appeared on M*A*S*H, "flashed the peace sign," or uttered the word "quagmire." Recent success stories include Janeane Garofalo, Charlie Rangel, and Gary Hart. Send resume and clips to Fox News Channel, New York, NY. Rich Acello is a syndicated columnist; you can reach him at richace@cox.net
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