Timothy and Toni Shaw with their daughters Kayla, Leisha and Micah enjoy the all-American dream. (photo/lambertphoto.com)

Timothy and Toni Shaw live in Lemon Grove with their three children and pet rabbit, Thumper, enjoying what could be defined as the all-American dream of family life. He is a high school counselor; she is a stay-at-home mom. The children are good students who participate in sports and take music lessons. All five are active members of Bayview Baptist Church.

The Shaws are middle-class African-Americans with a lifestyle reminiscent of the early television “Leave It to Beaver” family. During February, Black History Month, they are particularly mindful of the of civil rights pioneers who preceded them. They acknowledge the sacrifices, sometimes horrific, that helped ensure them access to the benefits of their chosen lifestyle.

They attend an annual breakfast in memory of Martin Luther King Jr. to show their support for his ideals. Tim, a counselor at Crawford High School, is adviser to the campus Black Student Alliance. And in their home, the Shaws openly discuss issues of racial equality and discrimination with their daughters. But most of the time, they are busy people, pursuing productive and satisfying lives, as are most other San Diego County residents.

Leisha, 13, an eighth-grader, is a competitive gymnast. Micah, 11, and Kayla, 8, take piano lessons and play tennis. All are Girl Scouts, each in a troop led by their mother. Toni also volunteers one day a week at Los Altos, the elementary school her youngest daughter attends, where she has organized an art appreciation docent project. She has been active in PTA there since her first daughter started school. In addition, she pursues a quilting hobby and takes classes toward a college degree.

The entire family supports Leisha’s efforts in gymnastics, which Toni calls “primarily a Caucasian sport.” Just last month, all of the Shaws attended a gymnastics competition at the University of Utah. Overt discrimination, while not common to the Shaws, does occur. Preparing for this year’s trip reminded Toni of an experience when she accompanied her daughter to a competition, also in Utah, a year ago. The gymnasts in their group and some of their parents noticed the subtle discrimination observed by the mother and daughter. “We were at a restaurant and the waiter didn’t want to take our order. It showed in his body language.” He went all the way around the table, she says, taking their order last.

They can cite other examples, but more often they emphasize the positive. “Personally, I am always moved by the inspirational achievements of others,” says Tim. His wife concurs, citing the contributions of abolitionist Frederick Douglass as inspiring to her.

“I haven’t had many obstacles,” says Tim. “In fact, I’d say more of the opposite.” His master’s degree study on African-American student achievement was a benefit when he applied for a job in the San Diego Unified District. That study was considered again when he was selected to fill an unexpired term on the Lemon Grove school board. “Lemon Grove wants to close the achievement gap,” he says, and his expertise in black student achievement and middle school curriculum proved helpful. He was chosen to fill the vacancy in May of 2002 and was elected to that position the following November.

Timothy and Toni “met at a Vons” in Diamond Bar where she worked, says Tim. “On the cookie aisle,” Toni adds. “Aisle number seven,” interjects Tim. “He asked for my phone number,” she says. From the beginning, they had similar views on life.

“I had gotten an idea about the American dream,” he says, “of a husband and wife, two kids, two cars,” but his reality was different. He lived for part of his childhood with grandparents in Louisiana, then in California with his mother and stepfather, both of whom had jobs away from home. Toni had a stay-at-home mother while she was very young and a father who managed a Thrifty drug store. “I never had daycare,” she says.

One of the couple’s early experiences in discrimination occurred when they were selecting a site for their wedding reception. “One hall we wanted was available until Toni arrived in person. Then it was miraculously booked,” Tim says. “We’ve always wondered about that.”

Tim graduated from SDSU, did student teaching and then taught in Pomona for two years before they moved to San Diego in 1987. One reason he was eager to move to San Diego was because of his positive experiences at Bayview Baptist Church and the respect he has for its pastor, Dr. Timothy Winters. “God led us here,” he says, “and we are blessed.”

As a counselor at Crawford, he works with one of the most diverse student bodies in the nation, he says, noting its demographics: 36 percent Hispanic; 28 percent African-American; 25 percent Indo-Chinese; and 7 percent Caucasian. As adviser to the Black Student Alliance, he interacts with Somalian, Sudanese, Ethiopian and African-American students.

When Toni returned to college after her children were in school, she occasionally felt set apart as the only black student in a class. “Sometimes we had to work in groups,” she says, “and I might not be picked, or I’d be the last one picked. That climate has changed now,” she says, because the student body at Grossmont College is more diverse. Toni plans to continue her education and hopes eventually to obtain a degree in library science. But for now, she says, she wants to be available to help her daughters as they mature. The Shaws agree: they are living and loving the lifestyle they chose.