William (Bill) Eddy defines “high conflict personalities” as people who can’t see any other person’s view. You’ve probably met a few at work.

He spends much of his time helping people learn how to work together effectively as a staff member of the National Conflict Resolution Center, formerly known as the San Diego Mediation Center. His background as a clinical social worker, mediator and attorney has prepared him for this role.

One area of expertise is in training others in mediation. This year he will present seminars in high conflict dispute resolution to professionals in five states, Canada and France.

When conflict arises in the workplace, Eddy says 80 percent of people involved will listen to other points of view. The other 20 percent seem to have such a rigid way of thinking that they are unable to do that.

Arguing, or trying to get that person to view a situation differently, seems to escalate defensiveness and makes the disagreement worse.

“It’s part of the personality,“ says Eddy, “and trying to present different views just intensifies the emotional response of the high conflict personality. They become invested in the conflict and it becomes a way of controlling others; it gives them some power.”

The high conflict personality will try to recruit others in the work place to the same opinions. They may try to convince co-workers that they are being victimized in some way. “At first others are sympathetic; then they begin to see what is happening and in the long run don’t stay sympathetic,” Eddy says.

When these situations arise, Eddy says, managers and co-workers can try to reduce the conflict before seeking more drastic measures, like reassignment or termination.

Eddy’s “don’t” suggestions include:

• Don’t criticize and point out distorted thinking. That only makes a high conflict personality want revenge.
  
  
• Don’t accept all that person says at face value.
  
  
• Don’t try to talk the person out of their views.
  
  
• Don’t stress how upset they are.

His “do” suggestions are:

• Do listen with empathy and respect.
  
  
• Do ask questions to draw out the point of view. Stress facts.
  
  
• Do try to view the conflict as possible differences in styles or cultures and interpret them as personal differences, not arguments.
  
  
• Do focus on the consequences of the conflict and discuss them.

High conflict personalities may be the best at their jobs but not have good people skills, Eddy says. They may have borderline personalities with dramatic mood swings or be narcissistic, or very self-centered. Those negative qualities might not become apparent for many months, he says.

Eddy frequently is asked how to recognize a high conflict personality when hiring, but says they often “develop a friendly persona.” His best suggestion, he says, is to be cautions when a job candidate shows “excessive charm or perfection.”

The NCRC (then the Mediation Center) opened in 1983. Eddy has been involved with the center since 1984. He is an expert in divorce mediation and family counseling and is a licensed clinical social worker and a certified family law specialist attorney since earning a law degree at USD School of Law in 1992. He has written books on divorce and high conflict personalities.

To reach the NCRC telephone (619) 238-2400.